I found this wonderful post bye Helen McFadyentitled Blind people’s smart ass answers to stupid questions from sighted people. Here is what Helen McFadyen came up with. I hope you enjoy it. Yes, I know. You all expect us to be polite and forthcoming when you ask us one of those typical stupid questions. Surprisingly enough, there are times when some of us would like our privacy and space to remain uninvaded. I have here, free for circulation, some useful smart ass answers to those stupid questions sighted people ask blind people. These are to be saved for those inopportune times when blind people find themselves trapped on a bus, train, aircraft, or when attempting to eat a quiet meal in a restaurant etc.
QUESTION: Have you been blind all your life? ANSWER: Not yet.
QUESTION: You blind people have great hearing right? ANSWER: Pardon?
QUESTION: Is that a Guide dog? ANSWER: No, it’s a drug detection dog. I’m a narc disguised as a blind person.
QUESTION: Is that a Labrador? ANSWER: No, it’s a dachshund.
COMMENT: I’d have to kill myself if I went blind. REPLY: Why wait?
COMMENT TO GUIDE DOG (working): You’re sooooo beautiful. REPLY FROM HANDLER: Thank you, but I’m spoken for.
QUESTION: Those dogs are smart, aren’t they? ANSWER: No, it’s pure luck that we get anywhere.
QUESTION (directed to the person standing next to the blind person in a store): Does she need something? REPLY (from blind person): Yes, ‘she’ needs to speak with your manager.
QUESTION Sighted: was your blindness an accident? REPLY Blind person: Nope I did it on purpose, wanted to see what all the fuss was about. 10. QUESTION Sighted: Does he like women/men/children? (about dogs) REPLY Blind: Yes but he can’t eat a whole one. 11, Waitress to person beside blind: Does he want anything? Person beside blind: Why dont we ask him? -sarcastic voice-
1. When encountering a person from high school that you haven’t seen since before you lost your sight they may ask you a question like “Are you blind?” Or even better dramatically ask, “OMG what happened to you?” An acceptable response to the first is “OMG am I? HOLY CRAP! How did I not know that?” An acceptable answer for the second might be, “I didn’t eat all my carrots? Do you eat enough carrots in a day?”
2. When someone asks how you text you should tell them your phone is brail capable and watch their reaction.
3. “How do you wipe your butt?” Okay, so this doesn’t really need a reaction. Just give the person a good strong glare and leave it at that because that’s just a rude and completely odd question to ask someone.
4. “How do you watch TV?” Personally, I usually just say, “well, how do you watch TV?” My favorite answer for this one is… “Well, I usually turn on the captions.” To this I actually had someone reply once “really?” They sounded totally amazed. Hahahaha
5. “Do you idolize Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles? Oh! And do you bob your head like them?” For this there is no real response because well… really? Why would you ask that?
6. “How did you know you were blind?” A good reaction for this one is as follows. “It was the funniest thing; suddenly I heard a voice in my head like a loud speaker. It said hey guess what you’re going blind and the person you’re talking to right now is an idiot”. How do you not know you’ve lost your sight? Okay, so I know it was kind of rude of me to call them an idiot but they caught me on an off day. 7. “If I take you to see a silent film, could I get you in for free?” Response: just walk away shaking your head.
8. “What does (insert object) look like?” My favorite response to this is to describe something as though I see it then laugh at their reaction.
9. “Since you can’t see a book to read it anymore did you forget how?” Just say “it’s like riding a bike”. Then, when they ask, “you can do that?” you can say, “Sure can I borrow yours?”
10. “Why don’t you wear sun glasses?” This one is probably one of my favs. I usually say, “They’re too hard for me to see through.” When you say this make sure to sound as serious as possible with a straight face… reactions can be comical.
11. As odd as it sounds, someone may randomly come up to you while you’re holding your cane in plain sight and say, “Do you know where the Febreeze is?” To this you smile and say, “oh yeah sure.” Turn down the aisle and point vaguely off into the distance. “Do you see that sign down there?” There will probably be hesitation while they attempt to look. Eventually they say, “No, I don’t.” Their voice is strained in concentration. Then you look in their direction and reply, “Neither do I. You may want to ask someone else.” Then hold up your cane toward them. .
This recently happened to my good friend Matthew Barnhill Do you need directions to your car? Answering, no, the last car I drove by didn't series wreck and I almost died I couldn't see where I was going. here's your sign.
PS… Believe it or not all of these questions have been asked at one point or another. They are perfect examples of why it’s imperative to have a good sense of humor. Don’t let things bother you just roll with it. Don’t forget to click the “Follow” link to be updated when future lists are published. Also, if you like this list be sure to share it with your friends on Face Book, Twitter and or e-mail. If you have anything to add to this list, let me know in the comment section for future posts like this one. I hope I made you smile.